- 6 days ago
Break ups hurt.
A break up is very much like a death. It's the death of a relationship. Sometimes it's the entire death of a connection to someone you knew well and shared a lot of yourself with frequently. Sometimes it feels like the death of that person, even.
Ultimately, you're going to grieve because that's what comes naturally to us. You have had a loss and it's okay to feel sad, to feel depressed. It's okay to not be happy to lose someone.
So, what do you do? You let yourself grieve. Initially, it's going to hurt a lot and maybe you will dwell on it a lot--a lot of your focus might be directed to the former relationship or your now-ex partner. Maybe your mind will just keep coming back to those memories you created together, and it might cause you to cry. And crying is okay too. Whatever emotion you experience is very normal.
But you cannot let yourself stay stagnant in the mess of a heartache for too long. You need to redirect your focus. You need to learn from this experience so that you don't repeat it again. A lot of people suggest that you now take time for yourself, to focus on yourself and make yourself a little better for the new connections that will inevitably come in your future.
Treat yourself a little bit. Spend a little extra time on yourself. Do something small that makes you happy. Treat yourself well.
I would suggest picking up a new activity or rekindling your interest in a hobby you use to have previously. Buy a new journal and pick up journaling or buy a model kit and fiddle around with some models. Buy a new book series and read through it or start writing your own novel. The point is to treat yourself to a new hobby, to something you can enjoy and learn about or from. Spend your extra time on yourself right now.
So, don't be too hard on yourself for becoming upset about losing this person. Don't punish yourself for the loss. Let yourself feel that sadness. Remind yourself that this is what is best for you because it has been an experience that you can learn from and grow from so that you can become a better you in time. Remind yourself that it's okay for this to hurt right now.
Let these emotions come and wash over you. And let those feelings go when they pass. Don't grasp at trying to remind yourself of this and that about the relationship. When you begin to forget then let yourself forget. When you find yourself smiling over something else then enjoy that happiness and don't intentionally redirect your focus to your heartache.
Don't worry about "going into littlespace" or enjoying your stuffed animals if you don't feel like those things right now. If those feelings are not coming then don't force them to come. Don't force yourself to experience something that is not naturally coming to you to experience. Enjoy the moment now, enjoy your life right now, enjoy your time as it currently is now. You will get through this and you'll return to enjoying these things and experiencing your regression in time. This is all very, very normal and to be expected. You'll make it through it! :)