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Caregiver and Daddy

Posted: Wed May 15, 2019 7:24 pm
by LittleNana
okay so i need some adive my guy bestfriend reantly became my caregiver he is my best friend and i dont see him as anything else but some of my friends say that he likes me and wants to be my bf but a few day away i was broken up with since i was a little should I tell my guy best freind that i dont want him to be my bf just my caregiver or should i tell him not to be my caregiver so i wont give him mixed feelings also if later down the road if i get a bf will the aceept the fact that i have another guy that is my caregiver

Posted: Wed May 15, 2019 7:40 pm
by littleRaven
I think you should just tell him how you feel and see what happens from there. But in whatever course of action you take I wish you the best of luck :3

Re: Caregiver and Daddy

Posted: Thu May 16, 2019 3:20 am
by Stars
There is no such thing as true non-romantic or "platonic" long-term Caregiver. This person probably already likes you more than just "as a friend", but if they don't now they will very soon.

Caring about someone like a Caregiver does is their way of showing affection, love, and expressing their feelings for the little.

It's just the same as why parents go out of their way to do things for their children and provide their children with good things, even at the expense of the parent going without something they wanted/needed. It's because a parent loves their child very deeply and taking care of them is showing them that love.

You might argue that, well, even biological kids have babysitters that take care of them! Yes, but those babysitters are very temporary and are PAID, motivated to tend to the needs of someone else for their own benefit. Babysitters also do not cuddle or kiss and have firm boundary lines so the child doesn't think of them as a parental figure as much as their own parents. It just isn't the same unless you replicate that nearly exactly (only seeing your Caregiver maybe once a week, for just an hour or two, and paying them for their time--which just isn't right to do, is it?).

So, you may go into a CGL partnership hoping that neither of you will fall in love but that isn't going to realistically happen. What you're asking the Caregiver to do IS show love toward you and, eventually, just showing love is going to become actually feeling loving toward you. It would be unfair to them for you to rope them into loving on you with no capability for them to receive love back from you or recognition of having an important position (as your boyfriend / girlfriend) in your life.

If you don't want to date this person then it is extremely unfair to ask him to be your Caregiver. You need to be fair to others. You cannot "have your cake and eat it too" -- if you want someone to love on you then you need to be prepared to share love with them too and that means becoming more than just friends at some point. If you don't want him to become your boyfriend then you need to tell him that you are not ready for anything serious beyond friendship with him so that him being your Caregiver is not really appropriate right now from your end of things but that you appreciated his care toward you. Let him know that you won't be up to him being your Caregiver from here on out right now but that if it changes you'll definitely let him know.

Re: Caregiver and Daddy

Posted: Thu May 16, 2019 2:47 pm
by LittleNana
I get what you mean saying that I need to be fair to other and I really dont mean my friend being my caregiver its just the fact he something happens i dont wanna lose him as a freind forever since we are really close and been freinds for years but in the past i have had bfs that was my caregiver and when we broke up they no longer talk to and thats hurts becuses i seen them as a person i could talk to and feel accept by